Male Role Models & Emotional Intelligence: What Men Can Learn About Showing Up
Having strong male role models is an essential part of the process of male socialization. But, traditionally, these role models have been teaching something that is outdated and can be damaging – the idea to “tough it out” and not talk about emotions. Even in more progressive households, the expectation for men to “be strong” and to not show emotion puts young men in a difficult position.
In today’s society, emotional intelligence – the ability to be aware of and navigate one’s own emotions and to respond to those of others – is an essential skill. It is not just the pursuit of a “new age” ideal, but a real life skill that can help men of all ages make more informed decisions and communicate better, leading to healthier and more positive relationships.
Emotional Intelligence as a Skill to Learn
Many major corporations now mandate educating their employees on emotional intelligence, understanding its importance in the workplace. Sadly, however, these same practices are not emphasized in the home or among friends and family. Men do not always receive the skills they need to practice emotional intelligence in the home and this leaves them unable to recognize and appropriately respond to the emotions of others.
Individuals can learn and practice each of the five components of emotional intelligence:
- Understanding your own emotions.
This involves being aware of your own emotional state and understanding how it affects you and your environment.
- Recognizing how others express emotion.
Some people are better at recognizing others’ emotions than understanding their own. Becoming aware of the distinction is the starting point.
- Applying self-regulation.
This involves controlling and managing your emotions in order to stay on task, ensure optimal performance and make realistic and rational decisions.
- Engaging in empathy.
Once you can learn to recognize, understand and manage your own emotions, you can then practice empathy by seeking to understand another’s point of view.
- Developing relationships skills.
Once you have the ability to manage and understand your own emotions and to recognize and respond appropriately to other’s emotions, you can create more meaningful relationships with both friends and family.
Finding Appropriate Role Models
It is not enough for a man to know the concepts of emotional intelligence, he must also be able to find role models in his life who demonstrate them. This can be difficult, as many traditional role models in family or popular culture focus on strength, power and physical prowess, with little attention given to the nuances of interpersonal communication and relationship building.
A young man can begin to identify and learn from positive male role models in his own life. This can be as close as the father or grandfather in his own family, or a respected teacher or mentor.
He can also look wider in his search for positive role models. Some well-known figures can provide inspiration, such as:
• Barak Obama: former President of the United States, well known for his empathy, wisdom and calm presence
• Chris Pratt: Actor, known for his displays of kindness and compassion
• Bill Gates: Microsoft founder and philanthropist, who exemplifies hard work, dedication and inspiring leadership
• Philippe Petit: High wire artist, confidence and courage
• Richard Branson: Successful entrepreneur, noted for his optimistic outlook and creative problem-solving
By studying the lives of these men (or those closer to home), you can find the qualities that you admire and strive to embody in yourself.
Learning to Find Your Emotional Balance
Having emotional intelligence is not a one-time event but a lifelong journey. As life changes, so will our emotional experiences and needs. Learning to find balance is often the key to a healthy emotional life.
One concept that can be useful in finding your emotional balance is mindfulness. By being intentionally aware and conscious of our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we can recognize them, understand them, and connect them to the bigger picture of our lives.
A helpful and effective tool in gaining emotional intelligence and feeling emotionally balanced is meditation or practicing mindful awareness. This has been clinically shown to reduce anxiety and depression, and increase positive emotions, creativity and connection to the present moment.
You can also look for ways to better manage stress. Stress is a natural part of life and essential for our survival, but when it becomes overwhelming, there can be physiological, psychological and behavioral consequences. Finding ways to more effectively manage stress can be essential to promote emotional intelligence. This can include exercise, getting enough rest, practicing relaxation techniques, and understanding what triggers us.
Prioritizing Your Emotional Education
Emotional intelligence can be perceived as a weak trait and is often seen as something that signifies a lack of strength. But this is much further from the truth.
Having an emotionally intelligent mindset indicates men’s willingness and capacity to strive and grow while being aware of their own capabilities and limits. Emotional intelligence encourages positive experiences, deep connections and understanding.
It is true that it may not always be easy to find the right role model or take part in the right activities that emphasize emotional intelligence, especially in men-centered or men-dominated cultures. But, this doesn’t mean that the search should be abandoned or that emotional education should be pushed to the side.
By prioritizing emotional intelligence, men can discover the rightful path of growth and development and gain the confidence to open up to more potential in their lives. It means being able to learn more about ourselves, have deeper relationships and ultimately find balance within life.
Having strong male role models to show that emotional intelligence is a valuable and essential skill is powerful. It allows men of all ages to recognize, understand and effectively manage their own emotions, to respond appropriately to the emotions of others and to nurture healthy relationships where these skills can be applied. As with any skill, emotional intelligence takes time and effort to cultivate, and having the right male role models can provide guidance, motivation and inspiration to help men achieve it.